Do you have a college student or young grad coming home this month? If so, your child’s post-college plans can be an emotionally charged topic over the holidays. Here are three things that will keep that dreaded “job search conversation” from turning Christmas break into an emotional battlefield.

1. Schedule and limit that “future plans” talk.

Even if they haven’t been talking to you regularly about their future, it’s definitely on your child’s mind. Instead of waiting anxiously to bring it up, make a pre-emptive strike. Try something like:

“I know this topic can be stressful, and we don’t want to discuss it the whole vacation. But can we set aside some time to talk about your post-graduation plans? We’d like to hear your latest ideas and any progress you’ve made. And, of course, we want to see if there are ways we can help.” (This comment can be adapted if you know they’re thinking about their second or third job after school. These searches can be even more challenging.)

It’s fine to suggest that the topic is stressful, and that you don’t want it to dominate your kid’s visit. Just agree on a specific time to talk about their plans for next summer, or whenever they’ll be out of school. Set some boundaries on the conversation, but make it clear you don’t want to avoid the subject. Don’t be surprised if they’ve done less than you expected. My research shows that’s normal. Most students don’t realize the effort required for job or internship searches today.

2. Help them focus their search.

One of the biggest barriers to a successful post-college plan is the lack of clarity about what new grads want to do. Employers aren’t interested in applicants who “just want to work hard and learn.” But the dilemma is your kid probably doesn’t know what they want to do yet! Research for my latest book Graduate to a Great Job shows a majority of liberal arts students don’t know what kind of job they want when they graduate.

But to get traction on their future, you’re child is going to have to put some stakes in the ground and start researching fields that look like possibilities. If they haven’t already done so, encourage them to visit their school’s career center after the holidays to make use of those career planning resources.

In the meantime, encourage them to identify two or three areas they want to explore, or at least that they haven’t ruled out. For example:

–“I’m trying to identify what kinds of entry level jobs my English degree will qualify me for in advertising (or arts non-profits, banking, healthcare, etc.)
–“Also, with my minor in environmental science, I’m looking into government jobs in environmental agencies.
–“And, a fraternity brother of mine went to work for Enterprise Rent-a-Car last year. He can help me get an interview.”

Continually remind them that none of these job search options are cast in stone. Their interests, priorities and focus will surely change as they learn more about particular types of jobs and industries. But they are much more likely to make progress if they give it some thought, and stake out directions to start looking.

3. Talk about “networking” and offer to help.

Nothing will be more critical to your child’s job search than their ability to connect with people who decide they want to help your kid succeed in landing work. This means lots of face-to-face conversations, or at least meetings via Skype or on the phone. These are not job interviews. Often called “informational interviews,” they’re discussions with people who can share their own career experiences and insights into particular jobs or industries your child wants to learn about. Getting educated about different types of jobs they might be qualified for, the skills needed, challenges in the work, etc., will make them a much stronger candidate when a relevant job opening comes along.

So ask them what they’ve done for informational interviews, who you’re planning to talk to, or best of all – offer help. “I know some guys in the whaling industry you could talk to?” Or “Uncle Doug works in advertising. He might know people you could meet with.”

They may resist this at first. But identifying people they can talk to about particular careers or types of jobs is one of the easiest and best ways parents can help their children.

With the average job search for 18-24 year olds today still taking many months, you’re right to be concerned about your child’s future after school. Given advances in technology and globalization trends, the competition for “middle skill” jobs is only going to intensify. But it’s their life! And ultimately their decisions and actions will determine whether their career takes off. For more ideas, see the chapter written especially for parents in my book Graduate to a Great Job. You can also download the Introductory Chapter here.